A year and a half ago, I said to myself:
“If not now, when?”
One year and a half ago, I asked myself a question that shook my entire life:
“If not now, when?”
The truth is… when had been holding me hostage.
My mindset had already shifted, but my location, my habits, and even my energy were stuck in survival mode. I had outgrown the very place I was born and raised.
My soul craved more—even in the middle of the storm that was my health.
Sick and unsure, I still knew one thing with clarity:
I had to get my children into a better environment.
🌪 Life Has a Way…
Life has a way of reminding you that you’re never fully in control.
Even when I felt like I was living in a trance, stuck in a body that felt like it was betraying me—God showed up. And He’s been showing OUT for me and my children ever since.
But lately? I’ve felt stuck.
Like truly stuck.
I let the tumor take over—not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.
I started thinking about running back to what was familiar…
Old habits, old patterns, even considering moving back to the very city I once escaped from—St. Louis.
Now don’t get me wrong: not everything or everyone in St. Louis is broken.
But that place represents a chapter I must rewrite.
Still, out of pain and exhaustion, I almost went back. I even told my kids I was thinking about it.
✨ May 16th: When God Spoke Loud
The night before, I cried to a friend.
I was overwhelmed.
Lost.
Tired of being strong.
But then came May 16th. I had a doctor’s appointment that I could not miss—
And while I was here in Houston, trying to process my life…
A tornado struck St. Louis.
Not just any part—the very neighborhoods I’d just considered returning to.
The city’s West and North Sides were hit in ways no one expected.
It was God.
Clear as day.
He gave me my answer.
🛠I’m Digging Myself Out
That storm wasn’t just in St. Louis—it had been inside me.
And now?
💛 I’m done letting it bury me.
💛 I’m not just surviving anymore.
💛 I’m digging.
God handed me a shovel, and I’m using it.
I may not know how long it’ll take, but this I do know:
I’m coming out.
🌻 Final Thoughts
I never fully gave myself permission to live here in Houston.
I was just existing, away from chaos—but not truly free.
Now? I’m reclaiming that freedom.
I’m giving myself the permission I’ve been waiting for.
If you’ve ever felt stuck…
If you’ve ever wanted to run back to what broke you just because it’s familiar…
Let this be your sign:
Pick up your shovel.
Start digging.
Your comeback is buried under everything that tried to keep you stuck.
With love, fire, and full transparency,
— I Am Re’nee
“ Renée Reflections “ 